Greetings, greetings its our big day, Pink hearts filled with tasty treats. Were frosted and sprinkled in colorful jimmies, Now thats what we call good eats! We dare you resist us, Well parade around, in our finest foils and lace. Truffles and caramels and soft, gooey centers, Oooh, well melt all over your face. So, enjoy us enjoy us, Theres nothing better than a box of delicious sweets. Especially today Happy Valentines Day, Dont fret about your expanding, ahem, seat.
The Official Valentine's Day Test. This exam is designed to test your knowledge of Valentine's Day, as well as your attitude toward this particular holiday. Happy Valentine's Day!
Once upon a time, in a land far away, there was a handsome man who appreciated women for their minds. A man who preferred brains and a sense of humor over a roll in the hay, a man in search of commitment... Thought you might enjoy a good fairy tale on Valentine's Day!
It's Valentine's Day, and I have a confession to make Lately I've been having impure, lusty thoughts about you doing kinky, UNMENTIONABLE things to my body. I'm so ashamed Why, I wouldn't blame you if you wanted to tie me up, take me over your knee, and spank me naked, quivering buttocks. Happy Valentine's Day!
And now, its time for ASK CUPID, starring everybodys favorite God of Love, CUPID! Hey, out there you lovers, sweethearts, suitors, wooers, and swains. Swains? What the hecks a swain? Did I say that? Its your old buddy Cupid here. Are you looking for that special someone? Some hunk or honey you can you know. You KNOW what Im talkin about. Or maybe you want give your current relationship a little extra Well, youve come to the right place. Cause I got the answers to your questions damour. That means of love. Lets see whats in the ol mailbag, shall we? Hmm. Lance from Los Angeles writes: Dear Cupid, My girlfriends measurements are 38-24-36. Shes tall and blonde and beautiful wants me to move into her mansion with her and her twin sister. I dont know what to do. Can you help? Yeah, Lance. I can help. Run! Run as fast as you can away from that situation! Its not healthy. And send me your girlfriends phone number. I want to give her a piece of my (slide whistle SFX) mind. MIND. I said MIND! (looks around, worried) Whos next? Candy from Kentucky writes: Dear Cupid, My husband thinks hes a Chihuahua. What can I do? Chihuahua, huh? Okay. One more. Lets see Someone named Deedee from Des Moines writes: Dear Cupid, Im in love, but Im not sure my love loves me, or even knows Im in love. Id love to love my love and would love to be loved. I love love. How do I find love? Geez. Im the freakin GOD of Love, and youre making ME sick. Listen, Deedee, if thats your real name, you dont find love; love finds you. Sit back, and Ill see what I can do. Okay? Geez. So thats it for now. But Valentines Day is coming, and you may see me in YOUR neighborhood. I may even come to see YOU. And then maybe YOU could Happy Valentines Day!
Attention! Attention! We're now in for a treat: A few members of the class are going to give a little Valentine's Day performance . . .
V is for this very special day.
A for all the sweets comin' our way.
L is for the love we're gonna spread.
E for every candy heart in red.
N is for nummy chocolate-covered kisses.
T as in those --- chewy gummy fishes.
I is easy: I love peanut-butter cups.
N for 'nilla ice cream and sweet, sticky syrups.
E --- it's all edible, colored hearts as hard as teeth.
S for smooth white-chocolate with raspberry down beneath.
D for do you like our Valentine's Day song?
A --- See this candy? We can eat it all day long.
Yippeeeee!
Sometimes I take great pride in making a perfect match . . . And sometimes I just like shooting people in the butt with a sharp arrow. YES! Happy Valentine's Day
Cupid for years, he's been a pain in your rear end. Continue. Now it's time to return the favor! Continue. Use your mouse to move your crosshair, and click to launch arrows at Cupid's butt! START. You got him __ times- way to go! Here's hoping your Valentine's Day isn't a pain in the butt!