Don't come near me, 'cause I'm on fire. My head is hot, I'm about to expire. Don't you know that I'm burning in a fiery abyss. How unfair men don't experience this! I'm downing hormone medication. My sheets are wet with perspiration. You think I'm riding the crazy train, If I bite off your head, I plea temporarily insane. I'm burning up! I'm burning up, burning up for no cause! I'm burning up, breaking all natural laws! I'm burning up, suff'ring from menopause! Menopause! Menopause. Sooner or later, every woman gets there.
If I could, Id find a fairy godmother with a magical wand and combat boots so that she could grant your wishes and kick the crap out of anything that tried to get in the way of your happiness. But in the meantime, I got your back.
The threat is real. In homes across the world At any moment Without warning Renegade hormones can ATTACK! That's why the Homelife Security PMS Advisory System was developed. The Homelife Security PMS Advisory System is designed to help often-complacent males recognize the PMS warning signs and become better prepared in the event of an attack. SEVERE - Secure objects that may be thrown. - Hide all sharp implements. - Hide yourself. - Close windows (so that neighbors can't hear ranting, raving, and crying) - Be prepared to flee at a moment's notice. HIGH - Expect wild mood swings. - Bloating may cause attacks on closets, drawers, and significant others. - Keeping your mouth shut is a solid contingency plan. - Stock large quantities of chocolate. ELEVATED - You may think it's only "that time," but PMS attacks can occur spontaneously. - Avoid flip comments and lame attempts at humor. - Approach with caution. - Be prepared for general weepiness. - Memorize escape routes. GUARDED - Hormones happen. - You can relax somewhat, but it's wise to be on guard! - Review emergency procedures. - Practice protective responses such us ducking and groveling. LOW - The evil twin has disappeared.(That was sooo last week) - Things are calm and normal behavior patterns reestablished. - Apologies are accepted and all is well - for now! Just remember - hormones are out there, AND THEY KNOW WHERE YOU LIVE! No cause for alarm - Just saying "Hi."
Do your boobs hang low do they wobble to and fro can you tie them in a knot can you tie them in a bow can you throw them over your shoulder like a continental soldier, do your boobs hang low. That song is not so funny anymore!
No matter how crazy my life gets I know you'll be there and when it's your turn to lose it you can count on me. We're so screwed if it happens at the same time.